When i opened my eyes this afternoon, it occurred to me that hers will remain close for eternity. When i took in my first breath of fresh air from stepping out of the house, i remembered that she has taken her last. And while i was having dinner with my parents, it saddens me that we'll never have the chance of a get together, to talk about our lives and enjoy a meal together.

When i received the sms informing me of her death and her wake in the subsequent evening, i was shocked, but after confirming that it wasn't a cruel joke(oh how i wish it was), all thoughts and feelings just drained out of me. All i could think of was, what happened? Why? It was too sudden and unexpected.. it's not like we're 80years old you know! We haven't even reached the age where our friends start marrying and having kids one by one! We're only 19 this year! It wasn't something i was prepared for, and i didn't know how to react.

When i went home to drop off my bag and for a quick dinner, my parents showed me the newspaper with her picture on the front page. she was beautiful, she is beautiful. The newspaper said that she ended her life by jumping off from the 25th floor. Why???

When we attended her wake, and i saw her in the coffin, i realized that this was real, and a strange, overwhelming mix of feelings overtook me. I wished she had spoken to someone about her problems, let someone try and help her or share her burden, instead of ending her life so carelessly. I was sure that if she did, she would have toughen it out and found happiness eventually. I wished that she was still mopping about her problems somewhere, but alive and kicking.

-

Mel, we were classmates through the 4years in deyi, even though we were never particularly close. I always envied your art and poems and writings. You were talented in so many ways, so mysterious, and so beautiful. I wished that i had gotten the chance to know you better. Now that you're no longer here with us, i hope that you're somewhere better, that you have found peace, that you can now smile for eternity, because you look like an angel when you do, and im sure you are one right now. Know that you're loved and that your presence will be dearly missed.

mx